"Widowmaker"

We have a 1972 chevrolet C 50 which is a 1 1/2 ton truck with a dump. It is the "farm truck." We try to name the farm trucks. Everyone will remember "Randy." Randy was the 1960 Chevrolet one ton dual wheel with high sides. "Randy " was pasted on the side thus the name Randy. It was sold to Ron Shinkle and then replaced by what we called the pumpkin truck which is the 72 Chev because it colored orange and looks like a pumpkin. The pumpkin truck is kind of nice because it has a metal dump box and can carry hot asphalt amongst sand, gravel, and hay.

Ross and I had an exciting time in the pumpkin truck years ago a week before he left on his mission. He helped me get a load of hay- a big load. We were rounding a corner on Zena road when the truck started to tip over. The load was tied down. Ross was sitting in the passenger seat and looked at me with terror in his eyes "should we bail?" I said "NO!-- Hold on tight!" Just as it was about to flip- we were turning over petty slow- like in slow motion the rope broke and thetruck pops upright something like a jack in the box as huge 150lb hay bails fly everywhere. Fifteen minutes later here comes the farmer I bought the hay from whith his hay squeeze and crew. He pumped up the truck tires and we were soon on our way which leads to the reason for this post.

Speaking of tires,(we keep the tires inflated now) last month after about ten years the front tires became very bald- one had cord showing. I take it into Superior tire. All the crew comes out to admire the truck. (joke) "We don't work on these wheels" the boss explains. "They'll kill you." he says. He points out parts on the wheels to the tire crew. "Guys these wheels are called 'widowmakers.' They are made in two parts and when you change the tire they can come apart explosively and kill you. That is why they are called widowmakers." He then begins telling stories of tire changers killed by widowmakers. He then proceeds to explain that no one will work on these wheels- duh? Anyway that doesn't help me- I need sand for a beach for Ann down at the new pond. The ending is tha they got me two new front wheels with used tires and Wade is bringing the old widowmakers home to sit on the junk pile as I write this.

There are still four widowmaker wheels on the rear axle. The Pumpkin truck has now been chrisened "Widowmaker." I like that name a lot more don't you? So when you hear about "Widowmmaker" you'll know what I am talkin about.

Electric Fence

I have been getting pretty good about slipping through the electric fences around the property lately. I did though have a slip up on Saturday. I was fertilizing some new trees on the north forty and coming through the fence I got zapped on the you know what. The ground was pretty wet so it got me "butt good." Later that day I was cleaning out a birdhouse and it turned out it was full of yellow jackets. I back peddled real fast and tumbled over a rock garden. I did avoid getting stung. I also managed at the end of the day to get the tractor stuck in the dirt pit next to the creek.

"Let Us Cross the Bridge and Rest Under the Trees" General "Stonewall" JAckson"

Following the Battle of Chancellorville in which he led his troups around the Union right resulting in victory he was returning to his camp when he was wounded. His left arm was amputated and he died of pneumonia ten days later. General Lee said "He has lost his left arm but I have lost my right arm." The words above were the dying words of General Stonewall Jackson. He was beloved of his soldiers. He was very devote and disliked fighting on Sundays

The Smell of Bacon

Our first pig became kind of a pet. Her name was LaWanna, affectionately named after grandma. She was purchased on a trip back from the coast as a little wiener. Everyone fought over feeding her. As the first piglet she gained a lot of attention. Scraps from the table added to her regular fare. She was in a little coral down below the barn. She would escape with regularity and chase kids around. Everyone knew what would eventually happen. When I see the movie "Babe" and the other animals talk to Babe about the purpose of pigs and that pigs are pork I know exactly what they are talking about. There were many comments from children about how they would never eat LaWanna. Well after nearly a year the fateful day arrived. There was some moaning. I kind of wondered if anyone would ever eat LaWanna. Ann said there was nothing to worry about. Several weeks later on a Saturday morning I awoke to the smell of fresh bacon permeating the little red house. I don't remember much about breakfast. However there were no vegetarians that morning.

Red Haired Teacher Chapter 1 Ernest Tigner

That spring marked my first term in school. We had a school teacher that was something else. She was a nervous wreck. She had very red hair and a temper like no woman or man I have ever seen or heard tell of since. The poor thing was sick. She had to be.

Her favorite way of keeping everybody in line was to take a ruler and slap you on the back of the hand across the knuckles That never happened to me because she had the fear ingrained in me, and so I was a real nice. boy.

But I will never forget one day. There was a young fellow ahead of me, a new boy who had moved in and started attending school. As the teacher came down the aisle, she asked the boy to hand her a pencil. She had a paper or something in her hand and needed a pencil. So the boy handed her a pencil, point first.

She grabbed the pencil, threw it on the floor, grabbed that poor litlle fellow's hand, and started slapping him on the back of his hand with her ruler. Of course the little fellow started crying, and she informed him that she would teach him never to hand a pencil to anyone point first.

That ruler had cut into this boy's hand and the blood started flying. The older children, like my brother and the other boys older than him, saw all this commotion and everybody in shcool was pretty much fed up with what she had been doing.

It happened to be real chilly, windy day in the spring of the year. We all had to go outside in the hallway when it was stormy to eat our lunch. The teacher would shut the door and lock it, so no one would interrupt her rest and lunch hours.

In the corner of the schoolyard was a large pile of rocks that had come to the surface of the ground. A farmer had cleared it and piled it up at one end of the shcoolyard. These boys got together and recruited all of us to pack the rocks over, most of which was about the size of a grapefruit.

We packed a large pile of it and put it on the floor in front of the door. When the boys figured we had enough, they took those rocks and started in on the door...and they pulverized it with those rocks!

The red-haired school teacher was inside screaming. The more she screamed, the more the rocks flew. This may sound kind of cruel, but ... (to be continued)

USS Beca Tina

You will remember the USS Becca Tina that proudly floated on the little pond until its rear end rotted out and it sunk to the bottem. It has been proudly raised from the deep and now sits below the little red house along the road as a flower pot full of tulips. I have a light shining on the name. Ross and Derek helped me put up swings this weekend. Four swings one especially for little kids one huge rope swing, tire swing and then another swing swing. Okay we have plans for other boats. We will soon float the Kaisa Annie, and then the Melida Marie. The Anneli proudly sits in Uncle Lars Driveway

LET'S GET POLITICAL!

You shouldn't judge a man by his demographic. That's right folks, I AM VOTING FOR HILLARY CLINTON.

As follows are the top ten reasons why I am voting for the foxy lady with political prowess.

10. The 5k baby bond is an initiative that I can get behind. Liquid funding for our country's neonates will only spur the economy on to more stable, solid things to come.

9. Her willingness to pull the troops out. I couldn't agree more. The irony that a woman once again will have to clean up a man's mess is humorous but tragic.

8. I like attorneys. They always smell kind of minty with a hint of patchouli.

7. Her haircut lifts my spirits. Even my former flame Martha Stewart can't come close to this level of blond froth. Her cheekbones are perfectly set off by her perfect coif. Ask me what nasty misogynistic world leader couldn't be swayed by this vixen. Well, you can ask me, but I don't know the answer!

6. She stands by her man. He's been fat and thin and has sometimes licked the platter, but she still listens when Bill talks about initiatives local and global.

5. She sent her daughter to Pac 10 school. The wind coming off of the Japanese current blows liberally on the West coast giving us better fish and schools. Of course, Hillary did have special access to NAOA files, but I think this is why we haven't had any of those annoying hurricanes. And if we did, we'd get out because of our large trucks.

4. Universal healthcare. Have you seen the price of Band-Aids at Wal-Mart? They're pretty cheap but what happens if you slice your finger off instead of just slam it in the door? Why is the richest county in the world also the nation that doesn't help its poor? Let us not forget that it wasn't the drag queens that brought down Sodom and Gommorah.

3. Apologies are not an option. She may crash your car, vomit on your tire and then remember that she shouldn't have had the prawn martini, but she isn't going to tell you that she is sorry for doing so. She'll suggest a nicer car with better crumple zones and give you some helpful dealers to call when shopping for a new Volvo.

2. Hillary RODHAM Clinton/Ann ROSS Olsen.

1. It's a TWOFER. With Hillary comes Bill. I haven't stopped believin'. Have you?