You shouldn't judge a man by his demographic. That's right folks, I AM VOTING FOR HILLARY CLINTON.
As follows are the top ten reasons why I am voting for the foxy lady with political prowess.
10. The 5k baby bond is an initiative that I can get behind. Liquid funding for our country's neonates will only spur the economy on to more stable, solid things to come.
9. Her willingness to pull the troops out. I couldn't agree more. The irony that a woman once again will have to clean up a man's mess is humorous but tragic.
8. I like attorneys. They always smell kind of minty with a hint of patchouli.
7. Her haircut lifts my spirits. Even my former flame Martha Stewart can't come close to this level of blond froth. Her cheekbones are perfectly set off by her perfect coif. Ask me what nasty misogynistic world leader couldn't be swayed by this vixen. Well, you can ask me, but I don't know the answer!
6. She stands by her man. He's been fat and thin and has sometimes licked the platter, but she still listens when Bill talks about initiatives local and global.
5. She sent her daughter to Pac 10 school. The wind coming off of the Japanese current blows liberally on the West coast giving us better fish and schools. Of course, Hillary did have special access to NAOA files, but I think this is why we haven't had any of those annoying hurricanes. And if we did, we'd get out because of our large trucks.
4. Universal healthcare. Have you seen the price of Band-Aids at Wal-Mart? They're pretty cheap but what happens if you slice your finger off instead of just slam it in the door? Why is the richest county in the world also the nation that doesn't help its poor? Let us not forget that it wasn't the drag queens that brought down Sodom and Gommorah.
3. Apologies are not an option. She may crash your car, vomit on your tire and then remember that she shouldn't have had the prawn martini, but she isn't going to tell you that she is sorry for doing so. She'll suggest a nicer car with better crumple zones and give you some helpful dealers to call when shopping for a new Volvo.
2. Hillary RODHAM Clinton/Ann ROSS Olsen.
1. It's a TWOFER. With Hillary comes Bill. I haven't stopped believin'. Have you?
